Are you still out there? Have you given up hope of anything being posted on this blog? I have to admit.....since my last post in FEBRUARY, I have been a bit crippled. Not only in just the sheer sense of having the time to write anything worth posting, but also crippled in the desire to write something that would be worth reading. Something that would spur someone on to encouragement. But I have missed writing.....I have missed connecting and sharing in this space. To be honest, I just have the desire to write.....who knows what might be placed on this "page" tonight.
Here we are in MAY! Excuse me? May? How did this happen? I have missed posting wait list movement for the month of February, March, and now April. Just so you know.....there has been movement! We are now......drum roll please..........#81 for a girl (2 spots), and #63 for a boy (3 spots). Not amazing movement, but movement none the less. Yet to be honest......the movement since the beginning of this whole journey that is note worthy at all, is the movement that the Lord has done in my heart. Truly. I have never experienced a sweep in my life and heart like I have experienced since saying yes to the call to adopt. My faith has been shaken, God has taken me down on my knees time after time, I have awoken in the night many times to pray for people and places that are just burning on my heart, doubt, frustration, fear have been ever present, and the Lord ALWAYS, let me say again, He has ALWAYS come back to crush all of that fear, all of that doubt, all of that frustration for me to reveal Himself in ways I have never seen. For THIS movement, I rejoice. And it is THIS movement that I am very content in waiting. God has changed my heart and opened my eyes.....making HIS world more evident to me and smaller to me. He has broken my heart for the least of these in a way I cannot explain. I cannot explain why 66 kids within this last hour have been infected with HIV. I cannot explain why 25,000 people have died today of starvation. But God has opened my eyes to these things.....and I have stopped pretending as if I don't see. My desires are changing. My priorities are changing. The things that used to matter to me, truly make no difference to me. I have become a documentary junkie. Biography junkie. I am fascinated by people who have made their LIVES out of reaching to the least. Dedicated themselves to fight for the ones who cannot fight for themselves. I want in. One of my favorite author/speakers/adoptive moms Jen Hatmaker says, "Sometimes the right things have to die so the right things can live." Selfishness, jealousy, greed, pride, power, accumulation, self preservation........they have to go! They have to go so community, generosity, compassion, mercy, brotherhood, grace, kindness, love can LIVE!
Dave and I have become friends with an awesome family from Kenya. They remind us that we live in such a bubble......we (Americans), do not live in community. We are so self focused. We desire to live the American Dream....forgetting that some people struggle each day just to live at all! Dave and I have seen that we have it all backwards.....and we want to be flipped around!
It is this movement that I am thankful. I know that it won't stop. I know that there is so much more that the Lord desires to show me, teach me, refine me, humble me......the difference is that I am willing.
Some documentaries that have wrecked me:
A Walk to Beautiful
Angels in the Dust
There is No Me Without You by Melissa Fy Greene
Kisses From Katie (www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com) by Katie Davis
7 by Jen Hatmaker (www.jenhatmaker.com
Granted these are all in Africa and that is just where God has my heart right now. He is showing me this new land, the people in it, and what He is doing there. It is overwhelming to think....how do I fit in all of these problems? Where does one begin in helping? But Katie Davis, missionary in Uganda, states that her job isn't to solve the problems in Uganda, but to serve the one that God brings to her each day. And I believe that is so profound. We are ALL called to serve the ONE that God brings to us each day all throughout the day. Whether it be our spouse, kids, friends, stranger, the one who sacks our groceries, homeless man on the street, etc........are you open to see the one? Pray that God would show you just one person to serve this day. Pray that He would open your eyes to see just one. I guarantee that you will begin to see two, three, four......your heart will begin to break, your eyes will be opened, and you will be changed.....for the better. Because the point isn't to be here to achieve it all.....it is to give it all away. Because it is in our giving that spiritual formation begins. Sacrifice breathes transformation into our hearts.
Here is to movement. Movement I NEVER expected.