Why is Tuesday so important?
*Two years ago we got a referral for a little girl in Ethiopia. She is blind. I had just picked Maren up from school when I got the phone call. We spent a day of big prayer and fasting. We were going to say yes, but there was this deep ache in my heart. Deep. I knew that I could be a good Mom for this little girl, but I knew deep within me that I was not her Mommy. Since that day I have been praying for God to redeem Tuesdays for me. Not only that, but Tuesday school pick up. Almost every Tuesday since that one, I prayed that prayer driving to school. And wouldn't you know this email from our case worker came while I was waiting in the pick up line for Maren? Tuesday redemption.
Why is the 5th so cool?
*We changed to South Africa in November.
December 5th our social worker came over to update our home study
January 5th we mailed our documents to immigration
February 5th our completed dossier was sent to South Africa
May 5th we were presented with our sweet girl
I poured over her file a zillion times over those 6 days. Going to sleep was hard. I read the Psalms when I feel anxious or can't sleep. I was reading one of my favorites, Psalm 34, one night. I came across verse 18 and the words that I wrote above it struck me. I went and grabbed her file. I couldn't believe my eyes. Tears rolled down and laughter came too.
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."
Above this verse I wrote, "prayer for our baby and their family 10/2012"
Our baby girl was taken into care October 2012.
God was so gracious to align all of our hearts in that moment. While adoption is one of the most beautiful things, we have to remember that our gain comes at her loss. There is deep loss before there is a deep gain. So yes. October 2012 is a month of great hearts that were broken and spirits that probably did feel crushed. Because the weight of this world is great. But in that moment, God aligned this Mommy in Kansas with a Mommy in South Africa. Words fail me in even trying to grasp this mystery. Even while reading Jen Hatmaker this morning, she nailed it exactly, "Their tragic circumstances didn't lessen their worth but raised them to the highest level of divine attention." While the pain of this world, the loss in this world, the hard.....all of that seems to say that there is no God. That He has forgotten. That He isn't there. Truly, it is those moments that raises us to the highest level of divine attention. I had no idea that when I prayed that night in October that I was praying those words so precisely, so timely, so exactly.....but God knew. He knew because He raised our baby girl and her family up to the highest level of divine attention. I am eternally grateful.
So she is ours.
What comes next?
We are currently waiting for our approval letter from the Central Authority. As soon as we have this we will apply at Immigration. As soon as we get immigration approval we wait on a court date. As soon as we have a court date we travel. As soon as we travel, we meet her and keep her forever! Phew!
Big prayer right now is for that letter to come so we can get the ball rolling. We would love to leave late July but that isn't looking like it could be. But our timelines are not His timelines. We would love your prayers!
I cannot share her picture or name publicly just because she is not legally our child. So when you see us ask, we will tell you and show you! Our girls are so excited for a new sister!
We love sharing her with people and we love answering questions. But also know that we won't answer all your questions. Our baby girl's story is hers and hers alone. Imagine if you had a file for your life, and I mean the most broken place of your life. That is probably not something you want read by everyone or told to everyone. It is your story. It is hers and hers alone. We hold it with such tenderness, dignity, and love. And we will hold it for her. I will write a little more on what coming home plans will look like for our family as we begin to knit each other to one another. Why I won't be dropping her off at Sunday school or not having a big party when we get home or not hanging around a lot of people or not wanting you to hold her or not going places much at all. So many have forged beautiful paths of this knitting together so I can share with you their insight. I hope my words don't make you nervous to ask me questions or to draw near to our family. That is not my hope. My hope is that you wouldn't be offended and that we can all have permission to learn together.
Thank you for being on this journey with our family! We are so grateful for you!
More to come!