the wait walk

As you know I haven't written very much.  I have started to make a dwindle down in my wall posts.  It isn't because I don' t have anything on my mind or heart to write, I just don't know how to say it all.  I have to say I have been riding a roller coaster of emotions lately.  The wait is hard.  There is no nice way to put it.  It is hard.  Challenging.  Annoying.  Sweet.  Bringing wisdom.  And then hard all over again.  And the last two weeks have seemed to be the hardest for my personal wait walk.  There were moments where answering questions about the process were no longer a joy but an annoyance.  I didn't want to talk about it.  How could I say, "oh yes, all is going well and in about 3 years we will be home with child!"  And then walk away crying.  It even got to a point where I could no longer watch adoption videos (and we all know my love for these videos! haha)  But really.....the moment this wait walk becomes more about me and not about the Lord.....that is when I need to do a check myself moment.  And let's just say.....I was beginning to make it more about me.  I needed to check myself.  

I am starting a study by Kelly Minter called Nehemiah.  I was reading the introduction last night and she said, "because a broken heart is often the very thing God uses to restore the broken."  This study is all about asking yourself what your heart breaks for and then going and being apart of that mission.  There is no doubt for me that the Lord broke my heart for the orphan years ago.  And then by His love and graciousness He broke Dave's heart as well.  Thankful.  Humbled.  

On Thursday when my heart was really breaking, my dear friend Tori (not knowing my heart) slips a surprise in my purse....an Africa shirt she made for me!  Thankful for how God takes care of His children by using others.  This morning, I got up to go sing on worship team and what is the first song in the worship set?  Everlasting God....this is my adoption worship song!  "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord"  God is good.  And what is the sermon about?  It was a video journey of the Africa mission team that just returned from visiting Kenya and newly built orphan houses.  The screens were filled with African orphans.  I wept.  For three services I wept.  Why?  Because my heart has been broken by the Lord to be on mission with Him for the orphan.  Humbled.  Humbled to be chosen by Him to be on this mission.  Thankful to love another child that God is fighting so hard for.  The Lord is fighting so hard that He called a simple, unimportant, loving couple from Kansas to bring home and love one of His children as our own.  This morning it was said that God's word is not limited to geography!  Amen!  Whenever we get asked why we are adopting out of America...."what about our own children here?"  my answer has always been because God called us to Ethiopia.  And now even bigger.....because God's word is not limited to geography.  The where is not the issue.  This issue is obedience.  Even though Ethiopia is moving at a slow rate there have been times when I have wanted to jump ship.  Find a new agency, maybe even switch country programs, look at waiting children online from other agencies.  And each time the door has closed.  And that is because our hearts are in Ethiopia.  We love this country.  We love Africa.  Obedience.  

When I back packed the Grand Canyon with some of my favorite people on this planet, there were moments on the trail where it was silent, desert land, no sight of camp, no sight of water, just dry, red land.  All that was heard were the footsteps of me and my friend Leah.  And yet....every so often there was this bright pink flower that would be living among the stony desert road.  We began to call that our Jesus flower.  It was a reminder to us that even though it is hard, beautiful things still exist in the tough places.  And that is where I am in the wait walk.  It is dry.  silent.  desert land.  and the only sound I hear are my footsteps continuing on the journey that God has placed before me.  I can't stop.  I can't be upset about where I am in the process and just sit down.  I must keep going.  And my eyes need to not be so inward focused that I can't notice the awesome pink flowers in the midst of it all.  My eyes need to be outward.  So today was a hard day.  God is still good.  God is still gracious.  God is still faithful.  And tomorrow He renews His mercies to me.  And I choose to rise up in strength as I wait upon the Lord to finish the work He began because I believe Him to be a promise keeper.  I believe Him to be faithful.  And I will continue to be obedient.


  1. Beautifully said! Hard words to write, hard wait to endure, but a Faithful Promise-Keeper to see us through! Thanks for your honesty and the reminder to keep my eyes upward and my feet moving in obedience! Love you friend!

  2. Suzanne, you remind me of the verse from Psalm 34:5, "Those who look to Him are radiant..." because you are RADIANT my friend. With every word on here and every encouraging, authentic note in our fb group you exude the heart of the Father. Keep on keeping on, sister. You're running a beautiful race. Pretty sweet that you get to cross two finish lines: ET and heaven. I hope to be there for both.:)

  3. You are absolutely right...God is a promise keeper! I am excited to see his plan for your new child come to fruition. And it is HIS plan...to set the orphaned in families. The waiting is excruciating at times. Many times I thought "I can't do this any longer" and then I would survive another day. One day at a time. And eventually the day will come when you will hold your precious child for the first time and I promise you it is worth it. It's the most incredible feeling! I can't even describe it to you (it's so different than holding your child after birth) We started our adoption process in June of 2010. We received our referral in January of 2011. And after 17 months of watching our baby boy grow up in pictures and through updates, just two weeks ago we were finally able to travel to South Korea bring him home! Praying for you and your family!

    -Rachel (from camp! married to Clint B!) :)