Well hello my blog friends! It has been quite some time since my last post! I am sitting here with a Chai tea, door open to the cool summer night, banana bread baking, George Winston playing in the background, and my hubby reading beside me. Not sure it gets any better.
I know that many of you have wondered where I have been lately. And the truth is---I have sat in front of my blog so much wanting to pour out---and then it just gets too big and I step away. So tonight, this post might be a bit more vulnerable. A bit more raw. But it is time for some pouring out.
May is 22 months of waiting for us. When we turned our paperwork in, the wait was 6-9 months. Needless to say, I never thought I would be sitting here writing topics on my blog such as, "waiting". I envisioned writing you posts on attachment, updating you on how things are going, how adjustments are being made, a new normal is being created. But, that was not God's plan. And He knew it then.
The last month has been a time of crying out. Crying out in ways that this heart has not known. Many tears. Much heart-breaking times. Wondering where God is in all of this. All of which seems like such a mess. And my doubtfulness getting the best of me.
Then the hot topics begin. You see adoption ethics has become something of a roar these days. Many people with great influence in their own circles are making their thoughts known on websites, blogs, and articles. And while I love real and hard conversations---when it is a topic that is already fresh on your heart, they are hard to read.
If you are wanting to read some of these posts I will link them for you here: (note: I do not agree with all of these writings, there are plenty more, you get the idea)
Jen Hatmaker: Part One
Jen Hatmaker: Part Two
Mother Jones: Orphan Fever
Response to Mother Jones
I would not call myself an expert by any means. I would also say that I have not done exhaustive amounts of research. But I am a Mom waiting for her child. And when I read things like this it causes me to want to stand. Stand for where I am. Stand for my wait. Stand for my child. So if you are wanting my opinion-----
*I believe whole heartedly in the unification of families
-If there is any possibility for a family to stay in tact, then I want to find a way to make that happen. I believe that the best place for a child to be is with their core family. Whether that is through fostering while a Momma gets on her feet, through sponsorship that helps them make ends meet or provide for things that they can't otherwise, or in actually bringing that family into your home in order to give them a space to ground themselves and get on their feet again.
*I believe that adoption is not the first choice
-I understand that this seems redundant to my first, but it is something that is spoken about quite often. I do not believe that one day I will look at my child and say, "you were always chosen for me from the beginning of time!!"
-I also believe in a God who is all knowing and in full control. So even though I know that I am not the Mom for this child in a perfect world, I am the Mom for this child in our broken world--only because of God's great GRACE!
*I believe that International Adoption (IA) is necessary
-While some people have called IA "big business", I do not agree.
-While some people seem to find the right to call those who adopt babies as being catalysts for this "big business"---way wrong---way way wrong. I know Moms who have adopted babies. And let me tell you....."big business" was not their intent.
-Our parameters are for a boy or girl, 0-3 years of age with minor/correctable special needs. I am not interested in creating an orphan---I want to adopt an orphan.
*I am not adopting a child so that they might become a Christian
-I am not quite sure how to respond to the Mother Jones article that accuses Christians of only adopting in order to "further the kingdom". The truth of the matter is, I don't even know if my biological daughters will walk in relationship with Jesus one day. So needless to say----this one stumps me---but there is my response! Ha!
*I believe that there is much corruption
-I am not naive to the fact that there is corruption. We live in a fallen world. I look at my kids and I see corruption. I look at myself....much corruption.
-I know that there are many hands that exchange many amounts of information throughout this process. It is the obligation of those hands to do honorable work. When I was compiling all of my information to complete the paperwork for our adoption, it was my job to be honorable in every word. Every answer. Every medical form. Financial form. Local police check. Federal background check. That was my job. My responsibility.
-I have not encountered a family that is hoping to get a child through corruption. We are all in this because there are orphans in this world and they need homes. They need families. Period. We are not the bad guys. The adoption community is not the ones who are being unethical. People who are adopting a child 0-18months are not being unethical.
-I am contracted with an agency that is fighting for the orphans and the widows in a real way. They are not willing to give in to even the tiniest detail of corruption. When an orphanage director is asking for money in order to start placing children with them, they are not paying. They are not willing to have it look as though they are purchasing a child. Even if that money might be for the betterment of the orphanage and the other children left behind.....non-negotiable. They are not willing to fudge on paperwork that is required. They are wanting to see all of the paperwork prior to moving a child. Some call this high maintenance. I call this, ethical. Does this make sense? no. Is this hard to swallow? yes. Don't you want to yell, "come on! They need families! They need homes!" Yes....but not this way. And our agency is not the only one making quiet stands for justice in corruption. Many agencies are doing the same. And my prayer is that they will be rewarded greatly for their stand. God will protect them and grow them.
-My prayer is also that other agencies who are making placements left and right, exchanging money, fudging paperwork--would stop. Would see that the end does not justify the means. It can't be that way. We can't live our lives this way. We must always seek justice. And we all know that sometimes in the seeking for justice....great cost comes.
*I believe that we are called to a wait
-This sort of seems like a no brainer :) When we turned our dossier (fancy word for all of the required paperwork) in, the wait time was 6-9 months. Then it grew to 9-12, 12-18, 18-24, and now....4 years. July will mark 2 years of waiting. Two years. And by crunching numbers alone, we have probably two more until fully completed. Breathe. This is hard to swallow. It is hard to live. But here we are.
-Dave and I have had long conversations about moving forward while staying put. How we allow our lives to forge forward. Not missing one thing that the Lord has for us in the moments right in front of us.....all while keeping our hearts WIDE open for the moment He calls us to our child.
I am claiming this verse right now,