Just a few reasons.....

It has been a little while since my last post.  I have thought of this space so many times.  My mind and heart of longed to pen my thoughts here.......but I guess there are a just few reasons that have been keeping me. 

Reason #1:
My girl started Kindergarten.  That is right.  My first love gets up every morning around 6:45am and we are out the door by 7:45am (let's get real.....8 most days).  And one of the best things about being at home with my girls is the fact that we have never had to be up and out the door this early....ever.  My favorite quote recently was the other night.  Maren asked if she could not set her alarm for the morning.  She wanted me to just wake her up instead.  When I asked her why, she said, "well, my alarm is SO loud that it always wakes me up!"  Yes...baby girl. Yes.  So this very adjustment has thrown something new into our mixer.  It is a new routine.  A new season.  A beautiful one.  Maren loves her school.  Loves her teacher.  Loves her new friends.  I love watching her grow confident.  Watching her begin to read.  And learning God's Word and hiding it in her heart each week with memory verses.  Beautiful.  And yet.....bittersweet.  Change.  

Reason #2:
Every Tuesday and Thursday it is me and this love bug.  Delight.  I have never had time with just her.  I have never turned to seeing just Sweet girl in the car to ask, "what do you want to do today, baby?"  It is sweet.  We laugh a lot.  We play babies a lot.  And I am drinking this in.  Because in just a short time, she too will be gone all day each day.  And I don't want to miss a moment of pouring intentionally into her like I did with big sis!  I love getting to know her unique heart.  Getting to know just how she was knitted.  What she loves.  How she still loves to cuddle.  How curious she is.  And how tender she is as well.  Thankful for this time.  Thankful for this little love bug.

Reason #3:

This wait.  Yes.  The wait.  3 years ago and a month, the Lord united our hearts for this journey to adopt.  We had no idea what was before us.  But we knew where we were asked to walk.  And so we stepped.  We stepped as very different people three years ago.  Very different parents.  With a very different marriage.  And now, all this time later....we still wait.  Officially, you could say nearly 28 months of waiting.  And yes.....this willingness to continue the wait is revealing.  Very revealing.  And to be honest.......mostly revealing of my sin.  It has been a purification process.  The very definition of purification is, "the act of cleaning by getting rid of impurities".  Waiting is an active thing.  And with that.....purification is active too.  And I am not sure you can have one without the other really.  Time has taught me that.  And you know what?  Isaiah 64:4 says, "Since ancient times, no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him."  My waiting is active.  The purification process in the wait is active.  And God is active on my behalf through it all.  That is extravagant!  And the beautiful thing is, I have seen a God in this process like I have never heard, never understood, or even seen.  He is a fighter.  He does fulfill His promises.  His Word has become more alive to me then ever before.  And in this season.....I am clinging to Him more than I ever knew.  

When I first began this blog I never thought that I would be writing much about waiting.  Honestly, I never thought about the wait.  I never thought it would be much of my story.  And yet.....it is my story.  And I embrace these pages penned by my Heavenly Father with more trust, more confidence, more love, and more excitement.  I would do this wait all over again if asked.  Without a doubt.  

So yes.....this blog is important to me.  But these reasons.......trump it all.  If you are still out there dear reader.....I am not gone.  Thank you for waiting with me.  

1 comment:

  1. I totally understand your not writing! It was sad for me, but I like knowing that you were gone because of wonderful things like your girls! I know that you are missing your newest little one, so I was hoping and praying that you weren't too sad to write! I guess I should have called or emailed...oh my, what a poor example of a friend I just showed! I'm sorry for that! I have missed your writing and will continue to check every few days to see what amazing, thoughtful, thought enduced writings you have sent my way! Once again, sorry for the bad friend mishap! But thanks for writing- I always love to read what you have to say! Keep on waiting, because your little one is near! And once they are here it's going to get crazy!!! I can't wait to see/read/be a small part of that adventure!!! You are awesome!!!