small talk diary

My heart is full.  Sometimes I feel as though I could write a post forever.  Being the journaler (is that a word) that I am....I probably could go on and on forever.  Music has always been a huge part of my life....still is a big part of my life.  I connect the most to music.....in church, I feel closest to the Lord in worship.  Last night at our Good Friday service the pastor was really challenging us to process that Jesus SAW us when He was on the cross.  That in His suffering....I was on His mind.....YOU were on His mind.  He saw me....He saw me.  Am I like that in my own suffering?  Am I able to look outside of myself in the suffering and see others?  Am I able to look to the Lord and depend on Him for deliverance in my suffering?  And just in how I say it....MY suffering?  Am I really suffering or is it a blessing to bring me closer to the Creator of the Universe.  A song that overflows my heart is "Blessings" by Laura Story......read the lyrics to the chorus of this song:

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

I want to live my life out of the "what if".  I want to live a life that "what if" this is a revealing of something greater that I can never satisfy here on this earth.  I also want to live a life that does not take the cross for granted.  I want to take the time to examine where in my own life I am taking for granted the DEATH my SAVIOR endured for ME! 

Through this adoption process I have learned much about myself.....about my marriage....about me as a mother....and much more as a daughter of the King!  I know that this process has changed me more than I ever thought it would.  I have never had to depend on the Lord more in my walk than in this process.....for energy, endurance, discernment, finances, direction, discernment, the proper overflow of my heart, trust, etc.  Praying that our little love's Mom will have a safe and healthy pregnancy, that she would know the Lord and trust Him, that she would have support of family and friends, that she would have clean water to drink and the money to have proper food, for the right person to be by her side at birth, health throughout her labor, safe delivery, safe recovery and healing for her.....so much to think about in a country where only 4% of babies are born in a hospital!  Can you imagine?  My heart rips inside every time I think of it and then I am brought back to my knees for her.....for our little love......and for the world.  Prayer is my lifeline and I am SO thankful that my knees are tired and thankful for the process that is bringing me to them! 

Well......I warned you.....long one!  On Monday we are sending all of our items to the USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services).  They will then give us an appt. date to come and be fingerprinted.  Once we do that.....we wait for approval from them to bring an orphan immigrant into the country!  Then once we have that beautiful piece of paper of approval then we can send ALL of our documents to our agency and THEN WE GET ON THE WAIT LIST!!!  I am hopeful that this will all be done June 1st!  We are also mailing off an application to Show Hope to see if we can get a grant!  Praying for the Lord to provide on so many levels and so many ways!  I love watching Him unfold this story! 

Happy Easter my dear Blog Friends!  HE SAW YOU!
Suzanne