I am not sure why I have been so stumped in writing a blog post lately. I love to write. I love to be vulnerable. But lately I have been caught up in making sure that I write well....that I tell the story well. God has been doing amazing things in my heart since we began this journey of adoption and I am not the same. I see that. Feel that. Think it. And I really want to speak it.
The wait times for adoption have gotten longer....much longer. When we started a year ago the wait time was 12-24 months. Then it went down to 9-12 months. It is now 24 months. This wait time begins at the day you join the wait list.....not the day you join the process. Soooo....we began waiting on July 18, 2010. December will mark 6 months for us....only 18 more to go! Ha! Not funny really.....but you sort of feel like going....hahahaha!
If you were to ask me how I am doing in the waiting I have a myriad of answers. All in all....my heart is not shaken. My heart is steady. I know that this journey began by the Lord and I believe Him to be a promise keeper.....I know He will finish that which He started! I also know that I must obey Him even when it doesn't make sense. Don't we just want to obey when we have all the details? It's sort of like driving somewhere new and trying to follow directions that you have written down that are sort of right but not right at all.....versus.....driving to that place with a person in the car who actually knows where to go. God is that person in the car with me. He knows where I am headed. As Beth Moore likes to say, God doesn't want to take me on a wild DRIVE, He wants to take me on a wild RIDE! I must submit to the passenger seat. I am not the driver. Let me say this again....I am not the driver. And let me tell you....I have driven. Oh man have I driven....and let me just say....it wasn't my best driving skills. It was a longer drive, harder drive, more swerves, more slams on the breaks, more honking....it was just plain harder. But when I submit to the RIDE....that is when it becomes the journey I have longed for. And that submission begins each and every morning. Obedience for me begins at the alarm. Submitting to that will undoubtedly set the tone for every moment to come that day.
Tonight I am staying awake so I might pray for a few families who have important court appointments in Addis Ababa tonight (the morning in Addis). If you are reading this late in the night would you say a prayer as well? There are two women right now who are waiting to appear in court. One is a witness (they are unable to find the birth mother). She has willingly decided to come back again to Addis, on her own dime, her own time, to testify for this child! Isn't that amazing? Thankful for her and praying for her. One is a birth mother who has her interview. I am tearing up thinking of what might be going on inside of her head right now....and her heart. Thankful that she was brave to bring this LIFE into the world. Words are escaping me for the gratitude I have for these very women. Dave and I pray that we will meet our birth mother. I will be able to hug her. Hold her hand. Look in her eyes as one mother to another mother and thank her. Tell her I will honor her always. And love her child beyond measure.
Tonight I am also thankful for Jesus. As my friend Cole has said it, "He walked a long road to adopt me". Very long and very painful road so that I might be called His daughter. The road for us might be long.....but there is a purpose and I don't want to miss one second of that purpose. So I am determined to wait well. To wait with eyes wide open. To wait with a heart available for all I am to learn in this moment in my life. To wait expecting the Lord to finish what He began. To wait with eager anticipation. I know that it won't be easy and that is when I hope I place my focus right back on the One who walked the long adoption road immeasurably greater.....Jesus.
Time to go do some prayin for some Momma's.....in Ethiopia.....and the United States!